and i wouldn't even wear gloves

It is Friday, finally. I've only been in the office three days this week, but they were long days. Long days filled with incompetency and drama. But, the week is on an upturn because the office is very skeletal today. Only myself and one other staffer, plus a student worker for half the day. It's like I won the lottery (and not the lottery where your friends and neighbors stone you in the middle of the town square, but a lottery where they give you free money!).

I've been getting so much done, it makes me want to work alone every day. Human interaction is overrated. People suck. Every day. Everywhere. And they can't be trusted to perform up to their abilities. And if they can, their abilities are often sub-par. Every day. Maybe not all people, but oftentimes it is the people whom you rely on to get shit done so you can get your own shit done. But I digress, today I am alone without supervision, able to do my work in peace. I love you, Friday, and I wish you would come more often. I'd offer you tea and might throw in a foot rub, even though I think other people's feet are disgusting. That is how much I love you.

repair and maintain

I would like to report that the man and I have officially called a cease fire. I probably haven't mentioned it, but we've been a bit of a cranky-pants couple lately, bickering and hurling insults and irrationality like monkeys throw shit at each other. Obscenities have been used: not quite sparingly. And not in a loving way. We've both been stressed out with work and whatnot, and have been sharing that pent up nastiness with one another. And I repeat, not in the fun, naked kind of way.

This weekend was an opportunity to spend some time together and to let the work worries melt away (along with various parts of my skin, as I seemed to get burnt by both the sun and the oven all in the same three-day span). The weekend allowed us the chance to realize that we weren't bitchy at each other, at least not to the extent that we thought.

While I would like to blame this sporadic arguing on the man suffering from a severe case of MANstration, I do realize that I am also partially to blame. In hindsight, my tact has been non-existent and I've been bringing work home with me. And, did I mention, work has been hell lately. So...I've been bringing hell home with me. Dinner conversation usually went something like this:

The man: Please pass the corn.

Me: Some people are too incompetent to pass the corn. Some people can't pass you the goddammed corn until two weeks after deadline. Some people don't show up to work until halfway through the day and I'd like to jam cobs of corn into their eye sockets.

[Awkward silence]

Anyway, things are back to normal. My extended weekend gave me some distance from the stress associated with my job and the summer-like weather gave me a much needed boost from my gloomy perspective on things. I think we've even realized that we like one another enough to want to spend time together. Imagine that.

hiatus

I am taking a couple days of vacation to make the Memorial Day weekend EXTRA long. I am not sure if I will feel like posting during that time, so that's that. It is supposed to be gorgeous outside and I've got a ton of plans, most of which include avoiding either working on my thesis, lounging, or spending time outdoors...and not eating oatmeal. I'm giving that shit up for a while. I had a very interesting appointment with my doctor(s), but the results from that are yet to arrive, so I will have to keep you posted as the oddities explain themselves.

In terms of my long weekend (how long is it? 5 whole days of NOT BEING AT WORK), I actually have to take the time off from work because I can only carry over two weeks of vacation time and the end of the fiscal year is fast approaching...meaning I have to use 6 days before June 30. In other words, two more long weekends are in my immediate future. Yay!

Have a safe and happy holiday weekend.

and the winner is...

My nephew now has a name: Maxwell James.

I'm assuming he will go by Max and not M.J., as to avoid appearing too feminine or like a pothead.

naming of the shrew

The following is a transcript of a snippet from yesterday's conversation about baby names with my brother.

Me: what would you have named the baby if it had been a girl?

Brother: I can't tell you.

Me: but you told Mom after Brady [first nephew] was born.

Brother: we told Mom because we knew she'd forget. And she did.

Me: but I won't be having any kids so I won't steal it.

Brother: you'd probably use it for a dog, cat, rabbit, or whatever weird animal you people find next.

Me: I would so not use it for a rabbit.

Brother: we would never be able to name our kid that name if you used it for a pet.

Me: fine, I'll just name any new pets after your existing kids' names and then you'll be sorry. Then I'll call Mom and Dad and tell them that Brady was just licking his butthole, but I won't tell them that "Brady" is my pet and not their grandson.

Brother: I'm still not going to tell you.

Me: then you're just a dickface.

*Note: apparently you never outgrow the need to call your siblings stupid names when a conversation doesn't go your way.

anonymous

My brother and his wife had a baby today. He (the baby) doesn't have a name yet, but my brother has told me that the baby must have a name by Friday, when they are going to bring him home. If the baby were to commit a crime, now would be the time to do it, while he is still unnamed. Unfortunately, I don't think his tiny baby self could muster the strength to rob a bank right now, but he would definitely gain an edge in the favorite nephew category if he were to do so and to split his spoils with his wonderful Auntie Trish.

He kind of looks like an old man, all smushed and disheveled, like he has lived a hard life and walked up hill to school both ways.

The picture is of a somewhat grainy quality because it was taken with my brother's cell phone. I see a resemblance to my other nephew and to my brother. He's a baby, and thus not too cute at age 1 hour, but he'll grow into it.

Welcome to the family, unnamed baby!

don't piss down my back and tell me it's raining

It is finally spring. And with the spring, comes the rain. The rain from the sky and the downpour of work. Yes, I'm a bit peeved with my workload and that there is no end in sight. Did I mention it is spring? It is warm, and it is sunny, and it is hard to sit behind a desk and look outside with the knowledge that you will not get to enjoy it for many, many hours...and that when you finally do get to enjoy it you will be so beaten down by work that you will collapse to a writhing mess of insanity. This is me being optimistic. Hello springtime.

i don't normally do this...

As a general rule, I write very little about work. Mainly, because I don't want to get fired, even though no one from work knows of this blog. I have to do this though, because of the people in my division, I only know of a couple people who are not planning their escapes.


The chart below is a breakdown of how we are all feeling about our jobs these days, and the actions that we are taking:

I fall into the "can't afford to leave, but would like to" category. Argh...why must employers need a specific number of years experience? WHY?! Oh well, I will muddle through while complaining to my loved ones who probably already want to wring my neck for bitching about work.

It is not fun to work here anymore. Not that work has to be fun. But it has to not be a soul-sucking force in your life. But that is what it is. A soul-sucking force. For anyone who works here...with the exception of one person who will remain nameless. Everyone sucks and everything sucks. That is all I have to say.

one office over

To my colleague next door:

I can hear you listening to what sounds like porn. It is loud enough to be heard through the paper-thin walls. There appears to be groaning coming from your office. It is not you, I hope. It definitely sounds like it is coming from a computer. If it is not porn, I would be mindful of the YouTube videos you choose to watch on work time because you are making me more than uncomfortable. In the two plus years I since I began working here, I have chosen to believe you are an asexual being and now there are many frightening images in my brain. Because of the porn sounds. Thank you for that. Tonight as I jab a grapefruit spoon up my nasal cavity to try to rid those images from my memory, I will be collecting the tissues and delivering them to you tomorrow. I hope you like cerebral cortex.

Signed,
Trish T.

P.S. Due to the at-home surgical procedure I described above, I will likely be less productive for the duration of my time at work. But at least I won't have to think about what you were just viewing in your office.

i spy with my little eye...

This morning when I came into work there was a car ON FIRE in the parking lot next door. Totally on fire. It exploded. INTO FLAMES! It was about five minutes before the fire department showed up and extinguished the car, so I had a whole five minutes of excitement this morning. I know someone over in that parking lot was upset by the ordeal, but, c'mon...fire is cool and it is only so often that you can see a car ON FIRE.

f is for...

I went to a concert on Friday with a friend from work and her boyfriend. I was skeptical about the bands, neither of whom I had ever heard before. I must admit that I was pleasantly surprised by both (opening band: Paul and Storm, headliner: Jonathan Coulton); they were quite funny and the music was good. Here is a link to my favorite song from the night, First of May by Jonathan Coulton.

Really, you must listen to the song. Be forewarned that it is a bit explicit in terms of lyrics, but is a great song for all the springtime twitterpation that pops up around this time of year.

Happy May and here's to extracurricular outside activities!

mmmm...pie

Yay! It's spring...unfortunately that means it is raining...a lot. Water is falling from the sky, work is raining onto my desk and flooding my personal life. As I'm drowning in work, there has been very little time to spend on the thesis. However, I have gotten a few more pages written this week and have some resources from which I hope more genius-type words will be inspired. Enough with the boring update, here is a visual representation of what I have been spending my time on since Monday (not including the time it has taken to create this chart):


More thesis work will be done this weekend and hopefully more time will also be spent sleeping and avoiding the office. Have a great weekend. Have a drink. Get laid. Do both responsibly (because I've got too much going on to worry about your drunk ass getting coated in random, infested naughty juices).

why the man's parents seem to like me better

1. they don't have a daughter of their own
2. they never had to wipe my ass
3. they've never seen me throw a tantrum
4. they didn't know me during my annoying, adolescent angsty years
5. they don't look at me and see a resemblance to his estranged father
6. they buy me presents and are nice to me so that I won't leave the man (This point was raised by the man. Also, according to his mom, all the ex-girlfriends were bitches.)
7. they've never worried that my naughty parts would impregnate someone else's naughty parts (see above comment about bitchy ex-girlfriends)
8. I remind the man to call them on holidays and birthdays
9. they get better presents when I pick them out
10. I nag him so they don't have to

ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

I cut about eight inches off my hair last night. Actually, my hairstylist Amy did it. I wasn't going after the celebrity bob style, I just wanted something different. I like it. I had my hair very similar to this when I graduated with my bachelor's degree in 2003. I had not purposely scheduled my haircut appointment to conflict with the arrival of the man's parents from Oklahoma, but I did think it was a pleasant surprise that I wouldn't have to eat dinner with them last night. Unfortunately, it worked out that the time conflict didn't matter and we all (the man, his parents, and two sets of grandparents) went out for dinner after my appointment.

Needless to say, the man was surprised that my hair had been chopped off. Not because he hadn't seen it short, it had been MUCH shorter when we first started dating, but rather because he had no idea that I was thinking about doing it. I don't feel like I have to ask him before doing these kinds of things, but it is still nice to feel like I'm doing something naughty by surprising him.

Oh yes, the man's mom and stepdad are in town through Sunday. They stayed with us last night, but will be staying at a hotel for the remainder of the trip. The man is upset by this, but I don't think it is a bad idea because this way I will retain full usage of my den/spare bedroom. Yes, I am selfish. Do I care? Not quite.

We will still be spending a lot of time with them, but will not be tied to the house in the evenings. I'm sure we will be getting some free meals out of it, and it is always fun to hear about the man as a kid (I just found out he was a chubby kid until he went to kindergarten, HA!). The weather was a balmy 73 degrees yesterday and the last thing I wanted to do was sit around the house entertaining company. I really like the man's parents, but I'm not a good hostess.

Also, I haven't reported on my thesis progress. I know I bitched about the weather, which did try to engulf my very being while I was back in MN, the evil soul-sucking state. [I wonder why they don't put that on the license plates? It would be so much catchier than "10,000 Lakes."] It was good to be back, but it was also good to come home. The trip was very productive despite the blizzard.

I am feeling so much better about the whole project that I can't even explain it. And, I can honestly say that my thesis doesn't feel as taxing as it had been and that I kind of WANT TO work on it. Not just to finish it, but because I have a renewed interest. Whew...that is a damned good thing because I had been considering an early death to avoid finishing it.

groceries?

I'm writing my grocery list and so far the only two items are:

• birthday card for Dad
• condoms

Obviously, the birthday card is for my dad and the condoms are for the sex I have out of wedlock with my live-in boyfriend (I'm sure my father doesn't approve of either the sex or the living in sin). Hmm...and I guess I also need some Cheerios, which apply to neither of the aforementioned items. Oh, the juxtaposition!

i spoke too soon

I'm in Minnesota. We're buried in snow. Not just a little snow, upwards of a foot with at least five more inches coming in the next couple days. It seems that hell (MN) has officially frozen over.

Thankfully, Kristen is willing to let me stay an extra day if need be so that I don't have to drive in horrid conditions. Either that, or she wants an extra pair of hands to help shovel out...I'm sure it is a mixture of the two. This way we will at least get to spend some non-work time hanging out. It is so nice to be able to see some of my good friends again. Also, it was so comforting to be spending time at the library again. It almost makes me miss this place. I have not run into any of the people whom I didn't want to see and so far the time I have spent with my friends has been great. I just wish we weren't so far away from each other.

I will post more about my thesis progress at a later date.

on the road again

I leave today at 1:00 to go to Minnesota, where I will work on my thesis and hopefully make substantial progress toward finishing the first draft. Also, and very important to note, I will be able to spend some time with friends whom I have only seen intermittently since I left college. I am so excited about seeing my friends that this trip is bearable. Without that sunny spot in the trip, the whole thing would feel like hell.

I haven't tried to hide the fact that I hated living in St. Cloud, Minnesota. I didn't like the closed-mindedness of the city and, with the exception of my friends and a few coworkers, I was unimpressed by the caliber of people who lived there. That sounds snobby, but it isn't intended to be. I think I just outgrew St. Cloud about a year into my stint there, and going overseas for a semester made all of the issues I had with the location bubble up to the surface. Everything felt suffocating and so small in the grand scheme of things and it bothered me that people were happy with that, happy with staying in a holding pattern and not striving for more. That perspective created one goal for my future: leaving Minnesota for "greener pastures." Part of the reason I am dreading going back is because I haven't done as much as I thought I would have by this time. And the one thing holding me back is the one thing I should've finished before I left. Finishing my thesis will be like shedding a skin that has been suffocating me for the nearly two and a half years since I left Minnesota.

As much as I want to finish my thesis, I am scared to death of failing at it. It is a scary proposition and I've been out of the college mindset for what feels like forever. Damned procrastination, I wish I would have finished this before I ever left, but I couldn't bear to stay any longer than I had to. To be honest, I would rather do so many things other than continue writing this paper. So many things. Anything, actually. That is why it has taken me so damned long. That, and I don't feel like I know what the hell I'm doing half the time.

I understand why people pay others to write their theses for them. If only I weren't broke and didn't have a conscience.

love/hate

Hello springtime. I love you, but I hate you. With the onset of spring comes the onset of the incessant sneezing and brain throbbing associated with my springtime allergies. I took the damned medicine today and it is not working. Perhaps it has something to do with the ten hours I spent outside this weekend inhaling the nasty pollen being spewed from who knows where. Perhaps it has something to do with all the swearing I did back when it was wintertime. Maybe I'm being punished for all of my ill will toward Mother(fucker) Nature.

All I know is, it had better stay springtime if I'm going to have to suffer the allergy part of it. That means NO MORE SNOW. I mean it.

flavor

I've come to the conclusion that French vanilla flavoring means that something will taste like vanilla with a hint of cigarette smoke. At least that is what this flavored creamer I just added to my hot chocolate seems to do.

rainy days and mondays always get me down

It is Monday. It is raining. Talk about a depressing combination. Yesterday, on the other hand, was gorgeous. The sun only peeked out a few times, but there was no wind, making it warm enough for me to spend over 5 hours cleaning up the yard and working in my flowerbeds. Also, I cleaned and organized my stall in the garage.

Today I am paying the price for yesterday's ambitions. I feel as though I have been beaten with a crowbar about the arms and legs. I'm not going to complain, though, because this is a good kind of ache, the kind that lets me know that I've worked out all the cobwebs that have collected throughout the past six months of winter. I hope today's storms melt away the last of the snowbanks.