today is the day

Article 2 (for BHO) from Andrew Sloat on Vimeo.

simplify, simplify, simplify

Things are still very sad around our house after the unexpected passing of the man's grandma. I must admit that losing her so suddenly has led me to further evaluate my life, as is often the case after experiencing a loss. If I would give my goals for 2009 a one-word mantra, it would definitely be 'simplify.' By simplify, I mean to pare down and eliminate the things I don't really need, know when enough is enough, be happy now rather than waiting for happiness to come and bite me on the ass, make changes now so that I can enjoy my life without all of the unnecessary trappings.

I've broken down my goals (note that they are not resolutions, but rather are manageable and achievable goals) into four main categories. I've already been working toward many of these goals and they require maintenance rather than initiation in most instances. They might seem like a lot, but that is only because they are so compartmentalized that the sheer volume seems unwieldy. In all actuality, this is a shrunken version of my overall list and doesn't include any of the ideas/tactics within the bullet points.

You may wonder why the hell I've shared all of these with you when you don't really give a damn. Well, it's because I'm selfish and I need a kick in the rear to jumpstart myself from time to time. I've put them up here to add more accountability. I can't hide from the list if it has been thrown into the world.

Here goes:

Financial Goals:
· Only keep a balance on one credit card (already accomplished, just need to maintain)
· Lower credit card balance to at least $x by January 1, 2010
· Pay off Student Loan 1 by January 1, 2010
· Contribute monthly to savings account to cover non-monthly budgetary expenses (auto maintenance, pet food, renter's insurance)
· Cut expenses (already do these things, but should do them even more religiously)
· Raise income

Professional Goals:
· Continue taking advantage of all applicable training sessions
· Build and maintain professional network
· Apply myself to outperform in current role - be indispensable
· Complete thesis

Relationship Goals:
· Do not interrupt, over-share, or compare experiences - this disrespects the person speaking
· Be supportive, but also share caution when necessary - do not play devil's advocate unless vital
· Spend more time w/, or communicate more w/ family and friends
· Reach out to others more - volunteer

Personal Goals:
· Keep a tidy house
· Make time for fun, don't schedule life to the minute
· Make physical and mental health a priority
· Minimize stress
· Celebrate success
· Don't be overly critical or take myself too seriously
· Live in the present - don't fret about those things outside of my control
· Train myself to sustain myself

where I've been

I'm sorry for not posting since the holidays. There was an unexpected death in the man's immediate family that caught us all completely off guard. Things are settling down a bit now and the man is dealing much better than last week. I'll post more and will share my New Year's resolutions with you sometime this week.

I hope you all had a happy holiday.

holiday spirit: post 9 - a bit grinchy

There have been a number of things creeping in, trying to steal my Christmas spirit lately. I must admit to feeling a bit grinchy, wrapped in a layer of bah humbug.

As many of you are experiencing, wherever you happen to be in the U.S., the weather outside is frightful to say the least. And, (now bordering on excess) baby, it's cold outside. The combination of the massive snowfalls plus the subzero temperatures has made me rethink my travel plans. This means I may experience my first ever Christmas away from my family. This is devastating to me, as Christmas is the one time of the year when all of my cousins, aunts, uncles, everyone congregates at my grandpa's two-bedroom house to celebrate the holiday. This amounts to over 50 family members, all of whom I'm dying to see. Unfortunately, I don't want to literally die in order to see them, so I may have to avoid travel until after the holiday.

Now for the boring weather statistics. I'm not meaning to start a pissing contest, but here are our stats from Southern Wisconsin, where we're knocking on the door to beat the December snowfall record. Not a record worth breaking, if you ask me. Anyway, we received over a foot of snow last Friday, 4-7 inches are falling today, and an additional 3-6 inches are expected for tomorrow (Christmas Eve). The day after Christmas is promising freezing rain, snow, and sleet. Yay. Pardon my math, but that amounts to a fuckload of snow.

The man loves the snow and has little sympathy for my situation, as his family lives across town and there is no danger of him missing his Christmas. The whole 45 minutes of it that he attends. I think he just wants me to stay in town, to be honest. Nevertheless, his attitude is making me less than jolly and I believe I even went so far as to tell him to stop pissing on my Christmas. Not sure what holiday spirit crept out of me with that comment, but I wish it would've taken the stick out of my ass when it made its debut. To say I'm uptight and stressed is an understatement.

Yet, the story of the Grinch Who Stole Christmas has a happy ending, with the Grinch being warmed by the spirit of the season, taking him from asshole to do-gooder in one fell swoop. I'm hoping that life imitates art and that this grinchy feeling washes away and everything works out in the end. That would be a Christmas miracle of mythic proportions. Kind of like that year in the 90s when my pretentious and disliked cousins came down with the flu and couldn't come to our other family celebration.

And now, your reward for listening to my quite silly woes, how about another holiday music selection, brought to us by the late, great Dr. Seuss:



Sidenote: You may not know this, but this song was sung by Thurl Ravenscroft, the voice of Tony the Tiger (from Kellogg's Frosted Flakes fame).

the man who couldn't cry

Artist Scotty Reifsnyder illustrated a book and created a short animation based on Johnny Cash's song "The Man Who Couldn't Cry." I love how he captured the lyrics, tone, and overall feel via artwork.

Click on the photo for a link to the artist's website and for an animated film of the book.

via Design Milk

holiday spirit: post 8

This is by far, in my humble opinion, the best Christmas song ever recorded. And now, for your listening and viewing pleasure, "Holly Jolly Christmas" by Burl Ives.

holiday spirit: post 7 - we've been outnumbered

I've got some happy news. The man surprised me with an early Christmas present on Friday: a new kitten whom we've named Rue. She is a rescue kitty who was found in a tree and we figure she is about 10 weeks old. I'm glad that she was found when she was, since temperatures have been below zero lately.



We will be taking her to the vet in the next week to get her checked out, but she is a happy and feisty little thing.

The dog is in love with the kitten. I think her mothering instincts are kicking in. The funny thing is, the kitten is pretty indifferent toward her, which is a manifestation of karma, if you ask me. The dog was quite the bitch to Jack from the time he was a kitten, despite his best efforts to bond with her. Now, Jammer (the dog) is having to deal with the same sort of apathy from Rue. Interesting to see karma at work in the dog world.

Jack, our 15+ pound beast of a cat is quite a pansy. He initially was petrified of the kitten. This makes sense as we found him when he was barely a month old and he had likely not seen very many other cats before. He has been interested in Rue from the beginning, a sort of cautious fascination that often led him to run away like a wee baby whenever the kitten made a sudden movement. As of now, after having been given the opportunity to let it all sink in, he has begun to play with Rue and they are becoming fast friends, much to the chagrin of the dog.

And yes, the bipeds are now outnumbered in our little happy family. In the event of a inter-species wrestling match, we're down one person if we need to tag out so one of us will have to pull an extra shift. My vote is on the man.

coraline

I am very much looking forward to this movie:



For anyone who liked Nightmare Before Christmas, I think this will be in the same vein.

holiday spirit: post 6 - in memorium

Today marks the anniversary of John Lennon's death. As an avid Beatles fan in my teenage years, I drank in all of the Beatles and John Lennon music that I could. I find that this date still pops up in my head each December and I feel a sense of loss, despite not having been born when the event took place.

On this date each year I feel sorry for the many fans who were alive to experience the loss on that day and I feel sorry for those of us who came later and were never able to experience the thrill of a new album release or see a live interview with such an influential and talented individual.

And so, to mark this day, I'm posting one of my favorite holiday songs, sung by John Lennon and Yoko Ono. I like to think that by electing Barack Obama, we are this much closer to at least one war being over.

holiday spirit (kind of): post 5

Today has been an absolutely awful day. I have very little hope that my job will ever be satisfying, gratifying, or bearable. I'm lucky to have a job, so that is all I will say about it. Anyway, I'm in a kind of a funk as a result of a few work issues today and I was near tears as I sat at my desk and read yet another e-mail that made me want to rip my eyes out of their sockets, just so that I would be rendered blind and unable to read the bullshit.

It was at that very moment that my all-time favorite Christmas song came on. My old buddy Burl Ives came on and serenaded me with his Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer television special rendition of "A Holly Jolly Christmas" and as much as I would like to say that my faith in humanity and the upper management was renewed, it wasn't. I am, however, more willing to deal with it now. It is funny how a song can lift your spirits, even just a little.

Thanks go to you, Burl, you've kept the desk rage at bay.

holiday spirit: post 4

I've made a firm commitment to only using real money this holiday season: no credit cards. As I've said many times before, I am on a strict debt pay-down schedule and timeline. I may be spending less this year, but it is all money that I have and thus I won't be spending more in the long run. Also, the man and I are not exchanging gifts so that we can use that money on gifts for others.

I've also made a commitment to buying products from independent and local producers/sellers. I've had to step outside of this commitment for my nephews because I couldn't find a local independent seller of WALL-E DVDs. Other than making a conscious decision to buy local, I'm also making gifts again this year as much as I can. I've plugged this before, but buying homemade via sites like Etsy can yield high-quality goods and can help independent artisans/crafters and their families.

I know that this holiday season is going to be a tight one for many people and their families. I'm lucky that I don't have to worry about how I'll pay my bills and that I have the luxury of being able to make payments toward my debt.

Thinking about the holiday in terms of money doesn't usually make it into the "holiday spirit" category, but I think an economic downturn has the potential to bring Christmas back to its true meaning without the emphasis on gifting. It is amazing how much creativity can stem from times of misfortune and how clearly we can be compassionate to the plights of others more when we are ourselves experiencing hardship.

slumping

If you would like a visual representation of how our economy went into crisis mode (aka went down the toilet), I suggest this:

via Mint.

holiday spirit: post 3

Did I mention that I love Christmas music? I do, but I must admit that I'm more than partial to the classics...think Time Life Christmas with Burl Ives, Bing Crosby, Nat King Cole, all the greats. If you can stream music online, I highly suggest going to Iceberg Radio. Select "Seasonal" from the list and then "Old-Fashioned Christmas" from the expandable menu. It is what I've been listening to for the past couple weeks. All day. Every day. There is a pop-up player so you don't have to keep the main browser window open: quite handy. Also, the player has many other options if you prefer a different type of holiday music, but like I said, I stick with the classics.

Now, thanks to the standard stations that switch over to nonstop Christmas music during the holiday season, I'm able to listen on my way to work, at work from my computer, then on my way home again. Ah, you've got to love that.

NOTE: If you have sense enough to despise the David Bowie/Bing Crosby duet as much as I do, there is also an option to deselect 5 artists (in the pop-up player mode) so that their songs don't appear in your playlist. Whew, no more Ziggy Stardust or Chipmunks messing with my holiday cheer.

holiday spirit: post 2

If you are in need of a dose of Christmas spirit...the real kind, not the kind associated with presents and Santa Claus, I recommend that you seek out the movie The Bishop's Wife. Be sure to watch the 1947 version with Cary Grant and Loretta Young. It is fanciful and wonderful and heartwarming, and it hits all of the aspects of the holiday (good and bad) then winds down into the true meaning of Christmas. I particularly love David Niven's sermon at the end. Also, you can't help but grin at the special effects. A "must watch" for anyone trying to rid themselves of the bah humbugs.

holiday spirit: post 1

I love Christmas. I love the way you hear a Christmas song and you can feel the warmth of it seeping into your bones, heating you from the inside out like a mug full of hot chocolate. I love how people seem a little bit nicer and dig a little deeper into their pockets to help others, even if they can't really spare the money. I love the innocence of the holiday, if you are able to look past all the capitalist trappings.

I'm going to take a break from some of my standard negativity to bring you a series of holiday-inspired posts. Maybe not all holiday-inspired, but I'll share with you some of the things that inspire the feelings of holiday festivity in me.

a little less disgusted

I'm not refreshed, but I am well-rested, or at least I should be. I must still be dealing with a combination of stress and not feeling well by being extremely tired. I fell asleep by 7:00 last night and actually slept pretty well. I only woke up about 4 times last night, which is a vast improvement over the norm of 10. My muscles are still sore, but I think the sleep is helping to give my body time to get back to normal.

Unfortunately, the sleeping a lot thing doesn't help me to get much work done around the house. I've been trying to prepare for the visit of the man's family, who will be doing their Thanksgiving celebration at our house again this year. I will be visiting my family up north, so the man is on his own with the hosting duties. Still, I feel like I should do my part in readying the house for the onslaught of inlaws. I made a lot of progress this past weekend, and in the process decided to reorganize my filing system yet again. I'm beginning to think I should go to rehab for organizational addiction. I wonder if there is such a thing.

Anyway, I leave for my parents' house on Wednesday afternoon and will return home Saturday. This will allow me to bypass all familial gatherings for the man. I'm sure that sounds rude, but it is an effort to avoid irritating conversation. I'm not in the mood to be harassed about marriage right now, which seems to be the favorite line of questioning these days for the man's other side of the family.

All in all, I'm happy to get away for a while and am looking forward to seeing my family again. And I plan on wearing loose-fitting clothing so that I can gorge myself on the Thanksgiving feast.

it figures

It figures that the first accumulating snowfall would happen on a day when the facilities guy is on vacation and I have to open the office building. No replacement or fill-in was sent over so I spent 45 minutes of my morning shoveling snow. I really hate my job today.

Oh, and in the spirit of nothing, I've obviously resolved to return to sporadic blog posting. I also hate my internet connection and my cell phone that won't hold a charge.

and no, that is not my ass

My pelvis is out of alignment again. This is a bad thing. I have to wear a special belt in an attempt to keep the bones from moving, at least until I can get enough muscular strength built back up to keep things together on their own. I haven't posted about the belt, mainly because I hate it. I wear it under my clothes, over my underwear. Underwear, I must add, that is not the type of underwear that I'm accustomed to wearing. I know: too much information. I usually prefer the thong variety of unders, but now am being forced to wear unders with more material so that the belt doesn't rub my skin off. Because nothing says sexy like a flesh-colored belt and chaffed skin. Except maybe a flesh-colored belt over granny-ish panties. Okay, so maybe they aren't quite granny panties, but they are much more modest than I prefer. Below you will see a lovely model wearing the fabulous belt:

She has chosen to wear a bodysuit or leotard of some sort. With nylons? She must be crazy. Anyway, Ms. 80s Workout Video pictured above and I are obviously uncomfortable enough with the belt-wearing that we are forced to make bad wardrobe decisions. The manufacturer says that there is "minimal bulk" associated with the belt, but they lie. Who wants to make their midsection look any bigger than it actually is? Not I. Yet I wear the damned belt daily, all day, only to be freed when I am going to sleep. Also, the material that keeps the belt from sliding, they give it a clever name but it is the same stuff that you use to keep rugs from sliding on the floor or to line cupboards. Last time I checked, I don't keep mugs and plates on my ass.

That sound of velcro you hear in the next bathroom stall? It probably isn't any kind of adult diaper, it is probably some poor soul who is unfortunate enough to have been prescribed to wear a belt under her clothing. And that clothing is probably ill fitting as a result of the belt because either a.) their pants are too tight or b.) their pants are falling down because it feels awfully ridiculous to be wearing two belts at the same time. And that person must now piss every time they even think about a beverage because the stupid belt is constricting their bladder.

I will say that the belt has its good points. Up until this weekend it had been doing its job quite well. Apparently, the belt decided to take a siesta and in the meantime my muscles and bones plotted some sort of revolution. The result of their jubilee is me not being able to stand upright, bend, or breathe without wincing. And yet I still have to wear the belt. Oh, the wonders of modern medicine.

so much for posting daily

I would've posted yesterday, but I would have had to bend down to plug my laptop back in (I'm in the habit of keeping all energy-sucking gadgets unplugged when not in use) and that wasn't an option. I need to train the pets to do those types of things for me. As you may have guessed, I am still in a lot of pain. I opted to stay home from work yesterday so that I could go in to the doctor and get my back/pelvis/hip thing worked on. I have to go back to the doc on Thursday to see if what they did worked and to try again (if the swelling has gone down). I was in a new realm of hurting after the appointment so I decided that lying on the couch with an ice pack under my ass area would be the best medicine. That and taking the pain killers every 4-6 hours, which I must say only served to lull me into a false sense of feeling better. I say false sense, because if I moved so much as an inch expletives began streaming out my mouth as if I had some sort of pain-induced Tourette's.

It's still early and I'm contemplating whether or not to chance going to work today. I don't think there is any way around it and I'm not sure I can take another day cooped up in the house. I've got a ton of work to do and I'm afraid that not going in to work will cause me more stress, which is never a good thing when you already feel like nine kinds of ass.

Too bad I can't work from a supine position. Or in my pajamas.

hurt

I don't know what I did to my pelvis/back/hips since last night, but whatever it was, it wasn't good. I've been sore for the past week, increasingly so since my last physical therapy session, but when I woke this morning I could hardly get out of the bed. Unfortunately, it seems worse than just having "slept on it wrong."

If I wake up tomorrow in a similar state, I think it will require a trip to the physical therapist and possibly the orthopaedic specialist. I'm immobile at best and the pain is worse than I've felt in quite a while. I hope that things are just out of alignment and that the recurring pain doesn't call for more drastic measures. The man has tried to help me to loosen my muscles, using the method that the therapist prescribed, but that doesn't seem to be helping because I cannot make the readjustment myself. I've been in quite a funk due to the pain. It's hard to concentrate and/or to be good company when you feel like shit.

For now, I'm off to take another muscle relaxer and pray for sleep.