letter to netflix

Dear Netflix,

I thoroughly enjoy your movie delivery service. I signed up for membership two years ago, and in the months since I have saved both money and time. I also have taken advantage of your discounted movie prices and have purchased a number of my favorites for significantly less than I could elsewhere. I thank you for that. You have suggested a number of movies that have been added to my all-time favorite list. You have also suggested a number of awful movies that have prompted my boyfriend to threaten never to watch a movie I have selected again. (What makes you think I'd be into sex-mongers and crackheads? I get a couple independent films and now you can't get your mind out of the gutter...shame on you.) I will forgive you for that because you are not human, and therefore even more fallible in my opinion. If you were human, I would light a bag of dog shit on fire on your doormat for each craptastic movie you have sent my way. But, you are not, so we don't need to go there.

My concern is that you only seem to care about the new customer. Why, when I go to your site to check on my queue, is the "Member Sign In" button relegated to the upper left hand corner while the new member option is the whole damned page? Isn't my money good enough for you? Why do you have to treat me like the red-headed stepchild sent to the corner when I never did anything wrong? I am assuming it is because you are a money-hungry bitch and that once a customer signs their contract they are out of your mind. You are like a shark, lusting for the new kill and instantly forgetting the previous meal. You ask me to rate the quality of your service, pretending to care about my opinion, yet every time I open the site I'm sent back to the fucking corner.

Again, thank you for your quick turnaround time and otherwise stellar performance. Please move the damned button to a more prominent place on your screen. On second thought, the ding-dong-ditch dog shit thing might not be such a bad idea.

Sincerely,
Trish T.