say huh? to the dress

I've been looking for a dress. I will be the witness for my best friend from high school's wedding. I've written about Pam before. It is a small civil ceremony including Pam, her betrothed, their parents, a judge, me and another witness. So, I suppose this role could be equated to maid of honor. This is a role I have never been put in before. Granted, the wedding is not very traditional, so the same rules do not apply, but I'm still feeling a bit o' the pressure.

Anyway, Pam has chosen a very nice J. Crew cotton dress to wear as her wedding gear. I'm now hunting for a cotton something-or-other dress that will be more casual than Pam's dress (which I have never physically seen with my own eyes). Preferably not too brightly colored, and preferably something reasonably priced that I will wear again. Yes, that is a lot of pressure, as dress shopping is a wretched, not fun event in my opinion.

Here are some reasons why dress shopping is not an acceptable form of entertainment and why I am very oft not successful in finding a dress:

• my torso appears to be the inappropriate length for dresses - don't know if this is too long or too short
• my boobs are not big enough to fill out dresses that require boobage to hold them up
• I don't like to try things on
• wearing appropriate undergarments for dress shopping is next to impossible
• I am in the in-between stage - not a junior, not an old lady, not a hooker - very difficult to find a dress that isn't tethered to one of those categories
• When I finally find something that I really like, then look at the price tag and realize I would have to get knocked up, deliver, then sell the baby to pay for the dress

Despite all of these factors working against me, I still need to have something appropriate to wear to the wedding/party. I just need to put on my big girl panties (as my friend Cheri would say) and rise to the challenge.

My friend Kristen has agreed to help me find said dress. She had a similar task when she stood up as her sister's maid of honor last month in Mexico. I'll be in Milwaukee, nowhere near as tropical, but less likely that I'll be getting murdered or come down with the next case of swine flu. Then again, it is Milwaukee, so I'd better limit it to "nowhere near as tropical," the other two are still possible.

I digress, the dress hunt commences next week Friday when I am taking another vacation day off from work. I am hoping that the dress finding adventure takes very little time so that we can also get a fast and friendly Culver's meal and maybe take in a movie as well. Of course I am also hoping that Pam blesses the dress and that I will not be mocked as the "what the fuck was she thinking wearing that to the wedding" attendee of the party. I'll post pics of said dress, when it has been procured, which will likely be accompanied by lovely tan lines, brought to you courtesy of Trish Taunts Skin Cancer.