old as shit?

I'm 30 today.

This is what I got via text from my brother (age 33).

HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Now you're old as shit like the rest of us...

So kind.

99 problems

Hi. I'm not dead. This past six months have been a whirlwind to say the least and I kind of forgot that I occasionally write on a blog. At times it has felt as though nothing was going the way it should, that I was the punchline of some sick cosmic joke. I will not go into details, because I'm just plain sick of all of this. I am tired of being exhausted, overwhelmed, and anxious about what is coming next. I'll simply say that things have been difficult both personally and professionally for me and the man. I am getting through it. He is getting through it. We are getting through it. Together. Which is where I'm glad to be. I would like for things to be easier for us (in terms of health, wealth, and familial obligation), but being together is something.

I am thankful for my friends, family, all of the voluntary members of my support system. You are fabulous. I appreciate those who have reached out to me, wondering once again why I have dropped off the grid. I'll be responding as soon as I feel like I have my head far enough above water to carry on a complete conversation without spewing anger at my situation. Anger, I've found, is an even uglier bitch than revenge. And she's pretty fucking ugly.

There are so many things I can look at and think "I'm so lucky." Work is very stressful, but I'm doing quite well here (despite the common problems one faces at work). My family is healthy. The man and I are in love. But there are also a lot of unknowns right now that, for lack of a better word, really suck.

I'm coping. I'm coping better this week than the last. I have new found perspective. Perhaps that is the wisdom that comes with age. The knowledge that being an adult is hard. The understanding that this too shall pass.

I turn 30 tomorrow. August 30. Golden birthday. With the price of gold these days, I wish there was some sort of "Cash for Gold-en birthdays" thing going on. There isn't. As you may have guessed, my "thirty before 30" list has not been a priority these past few months. I'm getting better at cutting myself some slack, so an arbitrary goal list like that is the least of my worries right now. I give myself a big pat on the back for coming to that realization and for not putting undue pressure on myself. Look at me, I'm growing despite my type A tendencies!

In fact, I don't really even care about turning 30, except that it means I've over-worked and over-stressed away the summer. I'm focusing on the positives. This is a new decade in my life. Things really aren't so bad. I'm going to live it up and try to be positive about the things to come. I'm sick of fear of the unknown. I'm tired of being lulled into inaction because the thought of more negative consequences is staggering. Things will get better.

While my "problems" are still overwhelming and I have yet to satiate whatever/whomever is in charge of this segment of my life, I have faith that karma will be equally unrelenting when the good that I've been trying to put out into the universe finally comes back around to shoot rainbows and sunshine and sparkle dust in my direction.

In the meantime, I've got 99 problems, but a bitch ain't one.



This Hugo cover of Jay-Z's "99 Problems" has been in my head for two days and it is actually the impetus behind this post. Video isn't my fave, but the song is great. Maybe just listen and don't watch. You're welcome.

new pets, please?

This was too awesome not to share - cheered me up on a crappy day. Which reminds me, I should probably share some of the shit that has gone on over the past months.

you're so damn hot

Another band, another song, another video. This one is OK Go's "You're So Damn Hot."

werewolves

As you probably have gleaned from previous posts, I love The Damnwells. They just came out with a new album No One Listens To The Band Anymore which is available to purchase here. It's wonderful.

Here's a video of Alex Dezen performing the song "Werewolves," which is also great. (The video is done in one run-through of the song, from 4 camera angles.)

SerialBox Presents: THE DAMNWELLS from The Serial Box on Vimeo.

i fail - but i think it is a good thing

-5 As a 1930s wife, I am Very Poor (Failure) Take the test!

someone is happy it’s friday

As you can see, Jammer is very happy that the weekend is finally within reach. My parents are coming to visit – a working weekend, where I will use them to help me clean, paint, and move furniture. This means help for me and the man, and more love for the pets. And my parents get to see me, which makes them happy. Happy all around.

two more days

The roommate is moving all of his crap furniture tomorrow. I'm assuming that means he will be done moving by Wednesday night (and that we may be lucky enough to not even see him on Thursday)...but that is an assumption and we all know that assumptions often bite us in the ass.

In the meantime, the satellite guy is coming from DirecTV on Friday to get us all hooked up with a new dish, etc. That is exciting, though we are going to have to manage without HBO for the foreseeable future, given our desire to spend less than we earn. That is a small trade-off, considering we are about to gain a ton of space and privacy.

On the health front, I still have walking pneumonia and an upper respiratory infection - though I am hoping they are on their way out. I plan to work all week, leaving early if I need to, since I still only feel about 50% better. We've got a lot to do this weekend, so I'm hoping that the good health gods smile upon me soon.

plans

So, now that it is officially happening, the roommate is leaving, taking his awfully disgusting, tasteless, and fugly belongings along with him, the man and I will finally be able to put together the downstairs of our house like we want. The reason why the roommate had "design rights" for the main floor of the house is because he had furniture and the man didn't (I wasn't living in WI when the man moved into the house, so I had no say whatsoever). This is mainly because the man had had his home burn down a few years earlier and had lost most of his stuff. He then lived with roommates and didn't need to procure any other stuff. All of this amounts to us living in a house with random, ugly, bachelor-looking crap. (obviously we're in the midst of the exodus...we didn't allow him to keep the space looking this all-out nasty all of the time)

This is the huge beige monstrosity that dictates the layout of our main living space. It will be leaving:

Oh, and the roommate also had a gigantic tv that he recently pushed into the entryway alcove because he doesn't have any friends to help him move it out (and he won't ask us...apparently he gets the impression that we don't care).

Here is the ugly dining set that may be comfy, but is pretty much just over-sized and out of place:

I apologize for the blurry photo - trying to snap pics between coughing fits isn't that easy. (see previous post for explanation)

I cannot wait for this shit to be gone. Keep in mind that not all of our stuff is a whole lot better, considering that I like vintage pieces, and modern pieces, and have not much monies to spend on furniture. However, I am confident that I will be much happier and more comfortable in a space that I throw together.

A couple things in the space are ours, but these spaces will be changing drastically in the next few weeks, that is for sure.

And the countdown continues...

seven days...

Fab news...it is officially one week (well, 7 days + a matter of hours) until we will be rid of our unwanted houseguests/roommate.

In other news...I am off to the doctor to see about the case of walking death I seem to have come down with. I've had a "cold" for a week and it doesn't seem to be letting up. I don't remember having been sick like this before and am hoping that the doctor can give me something to help me get over it.

More news and details to come.

Update: Walking pneumonia. I'm on antibiotics now, hope to be better soon. I'll need all the energy I have to clean up the roommate's spaces, paint, reorganize the kitchen, move furniture, etc., etc., etc. next weekend.

rabbit

I'm in love with a new band. Lucky for me, I fall in love with music easily. Lucky for you, I share some of my musical affairs here. Note: this really isn't a music video, just a photo w/ music, but I love this song and wanted to share it.



Have a listen to more of their music here: http://www.myspace.com/saverabbit. Also available on iTunes and Amazon.

28 in 28: how did i do?

1. paint the living/dining room – pending – paint has been purchased and is ready to go – will do after roommate's departure – see #27
2. throw a big party – COMPLETE – did this for Halloween
3. read 10 books of my own choosing – COMPLETE (half were about greyhounds, but I chose that topic)
4. bake an apple pie from scratch, including the crust – COMPLETE – thought it was a strawberry rhubarb pie instead of apple
5. plant that big ol' vegetable garden I keep pining for – COMPLETE – not as large as I’d wanted, but not too shabby either
6. finally hang the curtains in the living/dining room – pending – see #27
7. take a "family" photo in a snowstorm – FAIL
8. get another tattoo (or two) – FAIL
9. join a gym - COMPLETE – best decision ever
10. whole-heartedly commit to daily exercise (work out at least 4 days a week - no ifs, ands, or buts) – ONGOING – I'm really happy with this goal: feeling much better, not seeing visible results, but living with less pain
11. pay off my credit card debt - pending – setbacks and unexpected medical bills threw a wrench in this one, but am getting back on track
12. go to Ikea – COMPLETE – went twice, and actually bought stuff the second time
13. finish my thesis, get it conferred, shut the book on that damned project – PARTIALLY COMPLETE – all that is left is the defense
14. visit Kristen in Door County (before she finds a fabulous new job and leaves) – VOID – she already left for a new job...I have, however visited her in the places she has lived since
15. fix the ding in my windshield before it cracks – COMPLETE – actually had to do this twice
16. make at least one home-cooked meal each week, regardless of the roommate's whereabouts – COMPLETE – it happened, but not necessarily well
17. get new tires for the car – COMPLETE – it was pricey, but I did it before the first snowfall
18. visit my nephews and the new baby at least twice – COMPLETE – have seen them three times
19. go to some sort of professional development that I actually find useful – COMPLETE – have attended four useful conferences
20. cardio – even though I despise it, I will do cardio at least 3 days per week (my cardiologist and my physical therapist will finally be happy) – COMPLETE – reluctantly plugging away at this one, and am doing cardio each day I go to the gym
21. complete the landscaping around the perimeter of the house – COMPLETE – expansions will likely occur, but the perimeter is finished
22. make a calendar for our family members – it will be funny, the man and I have discussed it for a couple years – COMPLETED – and we've begun a calendar for 2011
23. take another college class – PENDING – I am, however, taking a couple community-based short-courses not at college level
24. send/give thank-you cards for each gift given – COMPLETED – not including birthday gifts I've just received
25. six-pack abs, or something close to that without being too manly – PENDING – not quite a six-pack yet, but definitely closer
26. write to my grandmother at least once per month – FAIL – didn't do it every month, but was well over 50%
27. make the transition away from having a roommate – FAIL – I’m glad that murderous rampage wasn't on my list, because I surely would have completed it. Roommate is draining my will to live, one day at a time – oh, and he had a mini-nervous breakdown and has guilted the man into not throwing him out just yet. We won’t get into that right now.
28. complete three NaBloPoMo month-long blog runs – FAIL – I find this to be nearly impossible, as I like to go weekends without turning on my computer

28 things I did in my 28th year

This isn't my goal list from the past year, but it is a list of accomplishments, which is ultimately better in my opinion, because the word "FAIL" doesn't show up in this one.

1. I chopped off all my hair again.
2. I got new glasses.
3. I created a new ottoman.
4. I developed an affinity for New Glarus Totally Naked beer.
5. The man and I became official domestic partners (at least official in the eyes of my employer and health ins. company).
6. I got a new laptop.
7. I finished planting around the perimeter of the house.
8. We were "adopted" by a new cat. His name is Chuck Norris.
9. I thrifted (or bought at extremely discounted prices) nearly all the items we needed for our “new” house.
10. The man and I bought a car – together.
11. I had great evenings spent with wonderful friends.
12. I created a new coffee table.
13. I added a niece to my list of loved ones.
14. I said goodbye (for now) to my oldest friend.
15. I finally began to see my parents as people, not just parents...people who I would love whether they created me or not.
16. I went through a terrifying health scare with the man.
17. I made a homemade pie.
18. I finished my chair makeover.
19. I fell in love with the man all over again.
20. I had a no-spend month (moratorium on spending).
21. I joined a gym.
22. I started wearing heels again.
23. I pared down my closet and donated things to charity.
24. I threw a big birthday party for the man (he helped).
25. I paid off one of my student loans.
26. I embraced the fact that I cannot commit to blogging daily without going batshit crazy.
27. I learned my “personality type” according to Myers-Briggs.
28. I realized that I’m far too young to not be having more fun – hello, 29, we’re going to tear up the town.

birthday cupcake - and it's orange!

I work with a wonderful group of people. One of them made me this for my birthday:


It was delicious AND it was the biggest cupcake I've ever seen. She was nice enough to pose it next to a normal-sized cupcake for comparison sake.

another awesome youtube vid

If you haven't watched Marcel the Shell with Shoes On, then you are missing out. If you watch it here, then you will no longer be missing out:

another band i really like

I've been listening to a lot of The Damnwells lately. They haven't become mainstream, but they are quite good. Their music is somewhat moody and it fits my frame of mind lately, which is likely why I have three of their albums on repeat as I write this.



This is their video for the song "Sleepsinging," which I believe is the only real music video they've done, though I could be wrong. I must admit that I'm not so much a fan of the video as of their music.

If you are interested in getting more from The Damnwells, you can find their music on iTunes, but it is actually (and unfortunately) cheaper to get their cds on Amazon (including shipping). Check them out if you like alt-rock/country type music.

who's that knocking? oh yeah, it's the end of my twenties.

When you are happily unmarried, you don't want kids, and you live in the house you want to live in forever, what else is there to look forward to? Material things? Trips? Really, I want to know.

I'm career-minded, but not to the point that I'm going to put in 80 hour weeks to climb the corporate ladder - hell, there's a reason I work for a non-profit and it isn't money or power.

I look forward to purchasing a new couch, projects around the house, hanging out with the man for the next 50 or so years. I look forward to my niece and nephews growing up, but I'm in the periphery on that one.

A lot of the people I know have kids, are trying to have kids, want kids, etc. I think I'm struggling with the prospect that my endeavors seem small by comparison. I'm not trying to "make life," I'm trying to make my life into something. I'm nearly 29 and I'm still trying to figure out what that something is. 28 has given me perspective. Now I need direction.

words and beauty

This is fabulous:

i bought stuff - in may, not recently

I bought a bunch of stuff at Ikea in May. I had a pretty good list going in, and as the worthless, assbag of a roommate and his dirt-faced tumor (aka girlfriend - seriously, I've heard him call her "dirtface" himself) should be moving out in the next couple months, I may actually be able to use the stuff I bought.

You likely have no idea how much it sucks to have all of these new things stacked in the laundry room, waiting for the bane of my existence to finally pack up his shit and leave. Ahem, it has not happened yet, despite indirect and very direct insistence on my part. Unfortunately, when someone has pervaded nearly every area of your property and spewed random objects willy-nilly, it becomes more complicated to "kick" them out.

Anyway, back to my shiny new treasures (well, they aren't "new" anymore, but they are still unused). I know some people are snobs and say that Ikea is for divorcees and college students, neither of which I am, and at this point I will tell those people to just suck it. I like Ikea and I can afford Ikea, which makes it even better.

Anyway, here's what I purchased for the kitchen:

This is the Norbo wall table. This table will become our new "kitchen table." We have some space for a small dinette set in our kitchen. Currently, our hand-me-down dining table is occupying that space right, but when that gets relocated to the dining room, we'll have some space for the good ole Norbo. I like it because we can put it at counter height and use it as a breakfast bar (when it is just the two of us) and then when we host parties, it can be folded down and replaced with a larger table. Call me Ms. Smartypants. Along with a table, generally one finds chairs. In this case, two stools:

Enter the Anssi bar stool. These are stackable, which makes them absolutely perfect. Oh, and they are cheap, but still kind of look reasonably un-cheap.

This might not be as awesome to anyone else as it is to me. One wouldn't think it was so difficult to find a suitable knife block, but it is (if you are unwilling to spend $50+ on a block of wood in which to store cutlery). I've been looking for a knife block that would accomodate the carefully-selected collection of knives in my possession for quite some time (ahem, 4 months). I've been to a myriad of stores in the flesh and online, all to no avail. I finally stopped perusing Amazon and finer shopping establishments and looked at Ikea for a suitable option, and have purchsed this: Say hello to the Reträtt knife block. It's tall, but that is a good thing because I have some wasted space next to the stove where I need some height (the cabinet above is wider than the stove, and it looks a bit off).

I also picked up some other kitchen-y odds and ends, which I will not bore you with. Perhaps this has already bored you, but when you are in a position such as mine where retail therapy is on hiatus, talking about things you've previously purchased are as close as one gets to release.

I bought some other non-kitchen things, which will be share with you all when I do a major reveal of the house, post-roommate exodus. I'm planning to take a full week off from work (a first for me) to get the house in order, and am super-excited about it. Crossing my fingers that it will be before my birthday, but am not holding out that much hope.

life list: bask in the amazingness of my domesticity

Goals, you'd better take cover. I'm on a fucking role. I'm knocking shit off my life list and my 28 goals for my 28th year left and right.

And this whole anti-spending kick...I'm kicking its ass and taking its name. I've been a goddess of domesticity and spend all of my time doing stuff around the house or going to the gym (more time at home than at the gym because I'm not psychotic, just poor).


My new computer has a memory card slot, so I'm finally able to share with you the fruits of my labor (let's just say that even though I've been cleaning, the connector for the camera is still missing). Anyway, there are a ton of pics I've been wanting to share with you, but have not been able...until now (like how the ellipses keep popping up? just wait, there's more).


Here is something ooey and gooey and delicious that I whipped up using fresh, homegrown rhubarb from my parents' place and farmers' market strawberries.

So now I can cross this off my life list. See that lattice crust? I did that...on my first ever pie from scratch. And it tasted delicious. I could hardly believe it. But then again, why wouldn't I believe it. I was wearing an apron...isn't that the prerequisite for superb baking?





Yes, it is retro...yes it is fabulous. No, I didn't color coordinate the tank top - God did. He was very excited about the pie, I guess.


There is more to come tomorrow.