glutton

I'm a glutton. A glutton for storage. Most women I know are lacking for storage space. I am not. The amazingly wonderful man who built our house did so in such a way to use every single possible square foot for storage. We have nearly 30 closets in our house. Yes, 30. There are built-ins everywhere. A china built-in in the dining room. A bookcase by the fireplace. Built-in dressers in each of the bedrooms.

When I first moved in it was kind of confusing, doors everywhere, but now that I'm used to that, I have found that I still want more. Perhaps it is because of all of the closets and built-ins that I am jealous of others with fewer storage options. I want a credenza, and a dresser, and a buffet, and all of those wonderful pieces of furniture in which to store stuff, and objects, and items, and everything one might need to throw in a cubby somewhere so as not to alarm parents when they come to visit.

But, alas, I'm plagued with the sensibility of the man who built the house and avoid purchasing unnecessary storage furniture. Even though there is a gorgeous Danish modern dresser at a local antique store that is screaming my name, loudly, with such vigor that it makes me want to write an '80s ballad about it.

single again

Over the weekend something has come between me and the man. It takes up a large percentage of his free time, leaving me with a lot more alone time. It is almost like being single again. That thing is the xBox 360 that came home with the man last Friday.

The arrival of the xBox has pushed for a speedier arrival of another object to take up the man's time...a 42 inch flat-screen television. Because the 40 inch TV in the living room that belongs to the roommate isn't good enough. We need one in our living room upstairs so that we can play games without interruption. Not to mention that I have a perfectly good 32 inch TV in my living room upstairs that has cable hookup allowing me to avoid those playing video games elsewhere in the house. I'm not so sure that this will be a good thing, this marriage of spaces and entertainment.

Hopefully we won't be getting the bigger TV until much later in the spring...or maybe next year. I guess it all depends when Uncle Sam sends out the economic stimulus checks. It is important to note that mine will go toward debt, not a new TV.

fragile

I'm at work, despite not feeling well due to some sort of cold/flu that hasn't quite manifested itself fully yet and the heartburn that kept me awake all but two hours last night. I'm assuming the heartburn is stress-related and despite the fact that I have chewed about 20 Tums in the past 12 hours, it is still rearing its ugly head. In my sleep-deprived haze last night I actually thought that I could burn someone if I opened my mouth too close to them. As a result, I wouldn't face the man, because I like his face and wouldn't want to burn it off with the fire coming up through my throat.

My friend Kristen's grandmother once referred to me as fragile or delicate or something like that. I am not so sure about those terms, they make me laugh when used in reference to me, but I have to admit that I am not made of steel. I think it is the stubbornness that is plaguing me, causing me to get so stressed out that I end up getting sick. Despite all the issues that I have had in terms of my health, I still feel like I am ten feet tall and bulletproof sometimes. The constant pain and the cold that won't go away are forcing me to face the realization that I'm not as strong as I thought. But if you call me a delicate flower I might have to kick you in your naughties or breathe that fire out of my throat in your direction. I'd let you pick.

lagging

I'm exhausted. The bad thing is that I have done nothing fun to make me exhausted. No out of the ordinary sex marathons, no marathons that include running, no marathons that include drinking...only work. And more work. And after that, yeah, there was more fucking work. I've never been so happy for Wednesday to come, even though I know I'll be at work at least 12 hours, at least it is halfway through the week.

While I'll never understand why people want children so badly, I do understand that what I'm experiencing in terms of feeling overworked and underpaid is nothing in comparison to having to take care of the creature you pushed out of your body. At least I can throw some food in a dish on the floor and take a nap (in regard to the animals, of course, the man can get his own damned food so I can take a nap). But...in terms of longevity and capability, a kid would be around long enough to learn how to make me dinner... Nah, I don't have the patience for that. Never mind that I would have to PUSH THE KID OUT OF MY BODY before it could learn anything.

Why am I rambling? Why am I asking myself questions? It's because I'm on the verge of the flu and have been working on too many projects in too short a time frame. If I don't make any sense, then just be glad that I won't be reproducing. I don't think the world is read for the antics and crankiness of a mini-Trish.

new music monday

I'm loving Minuit. They are a band out of New Zealand and have a kick-ass Website. You should check it out if you have a few minutes to spare. It's interactive and you can "talk" to whomever else is on the site. Check it out.

sadness in the frozen tundra

Today Brett Favre announced his retirement. It is a sad day for Packer fans. I am amongst those who are grieving the loss. I can unabashedly say that I love Brett Favre and how happy and angry he made me feel throughout 16 years of autumnal Sundays, and the occasional Monday night. Perhaps I'm crazy, but I am totally going to miss that man. Adieu.

snowslut

Yesterday was gorgeous. It was 40+ degrees outside, sunny, not too windy...glorious. I built a snowperson. A snow-woman, actually. Sidenote: I've noticed lately that the disgusting pigman dickbag roommate is throwing cigarette butts off the porch and into my currently snow-covered garden. As I have said before...he is both a slovenly assnasty and a stupid moron. This annoys me and I don't like him...but I do tolerate him. I felt a bit snarky yesterday and thought a tiny retaliation was in order. This brings us back to my snowchick. I made her overweight, smoking a cigarette, and with droopy boobies. (Wait for it...there is a reason.) I then informed the roommate that I met a woman that I thought he even had a chance of getting with. All that was missing was a case of herpes. And that she was outside waiting for him. The man and I were thoroughly amused, the roommate slightly less so. I wonder why.

how to perturb me

• Make me feel guilty for not putting in overtime. Overtime that I won't get paid for. It is not my fault that you are never in the damned office.
• Ask me if I want paper of plastic, and when I say paper, give me plastic anyway.
• Put the silverware in the wrong slots in the drawer. How hard is it to distinguish between a fork and a spoon? I bet they would both hurt if I tried to use them to gouge out your eyes, but their aren't many other similarities.

something to look forward to

I'm excited. There is a new Counting Crows album coming out, Saturday Nights and Sunday Mornings, on March 25, 2008. Yay! I knew they were releasing a new album, but I thought it was slated for later in the year. I believe I will indulge myself and pre-order it today.

missing...

As it worked out, there was not bad weather (at least not bad enough to warrant the amount of time various weather people spent warning us of the potential storm and telling us to avoid travel because we would likely die if we left the safety of our homes). There was no real storm. They fucked up, plain and simple, and freaked the citizens of southern WI out for no apparent reason other than that weather people feed off the fear and terror of normal people. And they are evil bastards. Anyway, the man had to work (and the dirtbag, piece-of-shit roommate was also gone somewhere) so I had the house to myself, not counting the cat and dog. It was bliss.

Seriously, it was fabulous beyond description. I was able to keep the house clean for multiple hours at a time...make lots of noise without worrying about other people...walk around in various levels of undress without fear of the dickbag roommate appearing in his usual pervertedness...work on projects without the man coming up behind me thinking that I look cute while concentrating and trying to get randy. It was like living alone again.

Oh, how I sometimes yearn for the years I spent living alone before I became we. No people unless I wanted people. The whole bed to myself. All of it. And I didn't have to worry about maneuvering through a mountain of dirty clothes to get to the bedroom door. There were bags of chips that didn't disappear mere hours after they were brought home (unless I, myself, made them disappear). Yes, I was lonely at times, but it was wonderful. I was carefree.

The man knows that I sometimes miss living alone; I think he does, too. It has been longer since he lived alone than I, so I imagine that he has nearly forgotten the luxury of having his own place. We have our own areas, places where the other doesn't venture often, that give us some semblance of privacy...but it isn't the same. I have come to the conclusion that you have to love someone so much that you are willing to go through the rest of your life without experiencing the nirvana that is living alone. Or, you have to be stubborn to the point that you will not admit that you would rather live by yourself. One or the other, I imagine.

For as much as I miss living on my own, though, I don't think I would want to live apart from the man. This bothers me. It makes me feel old. I wonder if this feeling ever goes away, the fear of being adult...the fear of having to say goodbye to your youth to embrace the future? I'm not sure I want to know.

personal day

I'm going to be taking a personal day off from work tomorrow. It isn't really for "personal" reasons. I am taking the day off because I don't want to worry about traveling on the dangerous roads as we receive upwards of 8 inches of snow, sleet, and ice over the next day. Yes, I'm taking the day off due to weather. No, it doesn't make me happy. I'd much rather be taking the day off to do fun and exciting vacation-type things. I don't think I've taken more than two days off from work for things like that ever. I need to get a life.

The good thing is that because of the nature of his job, the man will be home as well (due to inclement weather). If I'm going to be housebound, I'm glad that he'll be stuck at home with me.

the end

I'm done with work. I'm officially off the clock for the week. It is a grand feeling. A freeing feeling. This week has felt as though it would never end. But it has. And, it is sunny outside. I dare to say that it even looks like it will not kill be to spend more time outdoors than what it takes to get from the car to the building. Perhaps I will take the mongrel-beast-animal named Jammer out for a walk when I get home. Or, I will stand on the porch, basking in the sun while she runs crazily around the yard.

For as much as I hate long weeks, I love them for the simple fact that I feel so unbelievably happy when they are over. The kind of happiness that you felt as a child when summer vacation came...but this is better because it happens on a weekly basis. A horrible work week is not like some awful things are, the things that when I am finished, I look back and think "that wasn't so bad." A bad work weeks is different because...it is that bad. And I am glad that it is over. Really glad. Genuinely glad. So glad that I want to rip my shirt off and run around jumping for joy as though I had just won the World Cup. But I won't celebrate like that because it would be awkward and uncomfortable. What I will do is start what has the possibility of turning out to be an awful work week on Monday.

In the meantime, I will enjoy the reprieve that is the weekend. I hope you do the same.

neither rain, nor sleet, nor gloom of night...

I just bought stamps online. It is the best thing since the invention of sex. You go to the USPS site, find the stamps you want, pay online, then wait for them to show up in the mail (free shipping). I don't know why I didn't know about this sooner. It is amazing. No waiting in line. No grumpy postal workers. No hours of operation that you can't possibly abide by. I'm hooked. Thank you USPS.

invigorated

I'm going to be painting the office this weekend. For real. I've decided that I need to make an area for myself that is both aesthetically appealing and conducive to work. While I was hoping to wait until spring, I now realize that in terms of my timeline for thesis completion, I'm going to have to schedule time daily and/or weekly to reach my deadline. If I'm going to be spending all of this time working, I'd like to work in a home office that is serene and not stark white with random shit stored here and there.

While these tasks are already making me weary, I know that it is time to buckle down and pull my head out of my ass. I have a new coworker with a background in rhetoric who has been monumentally useful in jumpstarting my project. She allows me to bounce ideas off of her and offers criticism in such a way that I am left to ponder a solution, rather than leaving me irritable and hurt. Best of all, we can converse face-to-face. I think one of my major problems was the divide left by communication via e-mail and phone.

I think I'm actually making progress. Her arrival not only cut my workload back to manageable proportions, but also gives me a "mentor," so to speak.

letter to netflix

Dear Netflix,

I thoroughly enjoy your movie delivery service. I signed up for membership two years ago, and in the months since I have saved both money and time. I also have taken advantage of your discounted movie prices and have purchased a number of my favorites for significantly less than I could elsewhere. I thank you for that. You have suggested a number of movies that have been added to my all-time favorite list. You have also suggested a number of awful movies that have prompted my boyfriend to threaten never to watch a movie I have selected again. (What makes you think I'd be into sex-mongers and crackheads? I get a couple independent films and now you can't get your mind out of the gutter...shame on you.) I will forgive you for that because you are not human, and therefore even more fallible in my opinion. If you were human, I would light a bag of dog shit on fire on your doormat for each craptastic movie you have sent my way. But, you are not, so we don't need to go there.

My concern is that you only seem to care about the new customer. Why, when I go to your site to check on my queue, is the "Member Sign In" button relegated to the upper left hand corner while the new member option is the whole damned page? Isn't my money good enough for you? Why do you have to treat me like the red-headed stepchild sent to the corner when I never did anything wrong? I am assuming it is because you are a money-hungry bitch and that once a customer signs their contract they are out of your mind. You are like a shark, lusting for the new kill and instantly forgetting the previous meal. You ask me to rate the quality of your service, pretending to care about my opinion, yet every time I open the site I'm sent back to the fucking corner.

Again, thank you for your quick turnaround time and otherwise stellar performance. Please move the damned button to a more prominent place on your screen. On second thought, the ding-dong-ditch dog shit thing might not be such a bad idea.

Sincerely,
Trish T.

working for the presidents

Today is Wisconsin's primary election. I must admit that I am a bit torn. Philosophically, I believe a woman is capable of being president, I believe a woman should be president...unfortunately, I'm not so sure that this woman should be president. I'm wavering between Obama and Clinton.

I guess I can say that I want hope. And I want a payoff. I don't want empty promises that aren't delivered. I want change. Yes, Clinton is best set to hit the ground running. But there are some issues that I can't back (e.g. mandated health care). Obama is inspirational and ignites passion in the voters. It is a hard choice.

Also, my decision will be somewhat based on money. I know what I want. The presidents are supposed to work for us, yet we are all working for the presidents (aka figures on the dollars we earn). Our hard-earned money is being used by the very people who should be working for us. Our nation is built on the idea that the government should fear its people, not the other way around. Right now we are stuck with a president who has tripled (yes, tripled) our national deficit during his two terms in office and we are on the heels of recession. I don't see how any of that is in our best interests.

Along that vein, in my research I have found more comfort in Obama's plan to stimulate the economy and help the middle class. His policies seem tangible, while I have found Clinton's to lack substance. Both have the same end goal, but their approaches are different.

Clinton has run a very negative campaign. She uses rhetoric spouting "I," "I," "I." Obama offers hope to the American people and uses "you," and "we" in his speeches, knowing that he is working for us. As there isn't much difference between the end goals of their respective policies, I'm afraid that I have to err on the side of character and choose Obama. I have until 5:00 this evening (when I hit the polls) to make my final decision. I'm sure I'll be waffling until then.

Of course, you may not agree. Hell, I may not agree. I'll just have to wait to see how many times my mind changes before 5:00 pm.

waiting...

Today has been one of the longest workdays I've had in a long time. My boss was out of the office, of which I wasn't informed. Apparently, him just not showing up is all the notice I get (and I know there has not been any kind of emergency keeping him from the office). Oh well. The projects that need approval will have to wait until next week.

I'm going to go see the movie Juno with a coworker tonight. We have been trying to see it for the past month, but inclement weather has thwarted all attempts at scheduling. I'm quite excited to finally watch it.

Waiting being the theme of the day, it seems that I will also be waiting for new episodes of Pushing Daisies to air, according to a TV Guide listing of when many primetime shows will be airing fresh episodes now that the writers' strike has ended. Alas, it is a long wait until next fall, but if this damned winter ever ends I'll be able to spend my time doing things more worthwhile than sitting on my ass in front of the television.

Thank God...only fifteen more minutes until I leave for the theater.

out from under

Happy Valentine's Day! I love you all from the bottom of the bloody, beating organ in my chest.

I think I'm finally out from under the funk I've been in for the past few weeks. We had a bit of sun yesterday and my spirits totally lifted. I looked out the window in my office and there was a tiny bit of sun peeking out from behind the clouds. I was so excited that you'd think I had just discovered fire. The sun finally made its break for it and was out the rest of the afternoon. Even though we've gone back to the drudgery of the greyness that is winter, I'm still in a good mood from basking in the wonderful sun yesterday.

In observance of the holiday, many of my coworkers have brought in baked goods. I brought in banana-flavored laffy taffy that I took out of the mixed candies I had purchased the man. All of the sugar is helping to keep my spirits up and I don't even like sweets that much.

I hope you all are able to take the opportunity to indulge yourselves today.

housebound

I'm depressed. I need the sun. The vitamins aren't cutting it anymore. I'm so stir crazy that I'm about to burst. I've said it before, but winter is too damned long. I need green grass and flip flops. And the sun! I need weather warmer than 0 degrees. I want to forget what wind chill is. It's only half-way through February and I've been on self-imposed house arrest because of the weather and poor driving conditions for over two months. I go to work, but that doesn't count. I've been spending over an hour and a half in the car every day. This must stop. I miss the days when I could get to work in fifteen minutes.

I'm whining, I know. But come on...we've gotten 80 inches of snow! That's over 6.5 feet! What kind of sick joke is this? My parents live in the "northwoods" and have only gotten half that much. This unprecedented snowfall is making me cranky. Argh!

objection...sustained

I'm afraid I may have angered a few of you with my recent post regarding the love day and diamonds. I honestly am shocked that people feel so strongly about what I had written. For that, I apologize and send a reminder that this blog is only my opinion on things and that I am not prescribing a point-of-view for anyone else. I also apologize for not publishing all comments - some of them hurt my feelings and I responded to them individually. This blog is just me writing about mundane crap and my ideas about life and things less important. Perhaps I should explain in better context why I feel as I do.

In that same vein, it was recently brought to my attention that I likely have clothing or products made by children in sweatshops and that I may have been hasty in spewing the reasons for my distaste for shiny rocks...err diamonds. This is true. I'm not sure where some of my clothing was produced, nor am I sure by whom. But, I will say that in the past two years I have made an effort to purchase handmade products from local vendors and also to purchase "green," environmentally-friendly, and sustainable alternatives. When I do buy objects from unsustainable resources, I try to buy used. I buy produce and select other items from farmers' markets. I seek out local vendors that are not part of franchises. I buy groceries from the local grocery store even though they don't have the best prices, but rather because they are locally owned and operated. I research stores and companies and try to avoid those that test on animals and that make shady references regarding production. I buy American when I can. I do what I can with the budget I have.

I must admit that I have often lived under the mindset that since I won't be spawning, I shouldn't be as concerned about environmental issues/events that will be more serious after I become ashes in the wind. Two things have prompted me to rethink that. The first is that I have a nephew now, and another nephew/niece on the way. Secondly, we've gotten over 79 inches of snow so far this season and that number could rise to as much as 100 by the end of April. That is seriously fucked up and I can't help but believe that our presence on Earth has made it all wonky. I'm not one to stimulate the economy on a regular basis. I buy the things I need when I need them, and little else. But now, I am more conscious of what I buy and what consequence each purchase might have.

I'm not going to spout the bullshit of what you do today will make a better tomorrow. I'm too selfish for that. I am more likely to do what I do today so that I can sleep at night with a clearer conscience. It is a personal choice and I'm not proselytizing. I just don't think I could be happy about my choices if I looked down at my hand and saw a big rock on my finger, knowing that someone may have suffered because of what I perceive as vanity. That doesn't mean I can't be happy for those who do like that kind of thing. Hell, I get giddy when I order office supplies...and I know a lot of people don't understand that. I just don't see the symbolism in that particular stone as others do, and I don't see the value, but I don't chastise them for how they feel either. I agree with the point that an object can remind you that you are loved and I think that is fabulous. I think that can be said about any object, smell, taste, memory. For those that have diamonds and love them, good for you! Seriously. If you have something from someone you love who loves you, then why would I be upset about that? I guess I could be upset if it is a rabbit carcass you hang around your neck...but that's a different topic completely.

And now I will step down from my soapbox.