my kid will bite your kid in the face

We had trick-or-treaters this year. Two of them. They are the demon spawn of one of the man's friends. Let's just say that I'm not too keen on their parenting style, or lack thereof. Not that I know how to parent, but I can honestly say that I would not be a awful as these two individuals.

I did not see the trick-or-treaters, not only because I didn't want to be around their parents (who I am assuming were dressed as bad parents, as that is the attire they choose year-round), but rather because Jammer (who is in essence, my kid) doesn't like kids. These two idiots know this, yet they bring their children over (which is about 15 miles out of the way) because they are mooches and know that we have good candy. Okay, I'm sounding like a bitch here, but I'd have rather just given the man's work friend some candy to take home to his kids, which I did last year because I don't blame the children for their misguided upbringings.

Instead of doing a repeat of last year, which caused no harm to anyone, I had to attempt to keep the dog calm in the upstairs den while the trick-or-treaters were present downstairs with those who decided to bring them into the world. Oh, and I should mention that they were in the house less than five minutes before the 2-year-old wandered off and found his way into the upstairs bathroom...and the parents didn't notice because they were too preoccupied with being incompetent. I must mention that the man was the one who noticed the child missing, and he was likely being observant only because he was waiting to catch the other kid stealing. And the dog, she also noticed the erratic footsteps of the unwelcomed guest upstairs. She noticed by hopping up and down and trying to break down the door while whining and barking and causing my brain to explode.

Needless to say, I if I felt I could actually speak to these people in a language they would understand, this is what I would attempt to convey:

"My kid doesn't like your kids. Your older kid is an ADD-riddled thief who steals each time he comes to the house and he has tried to physically frighten my kid. If you bring your kids back to our house, I am not going to try to rummage through my kid's feces to find the other half of your kid's face."

The end. And this is why I shouldn't have children (at least not the kind that walk upright).