I'm now hooked up to an event monitor (for my heart). I will be recording any "episodes" through January 2o. That equals one month of wearing these plastic nodes on my chest and toting a black electronic monitor on my waistband. I am not enthused, but realize that this is a means to the end of finding out why my heart acts like I take high doses of speed on a daily basis.

In other news, it is almost winter break! My friend Kristen is coming to visit en route to her parents'. This is good, as I will need respite from the onslaught of family festivities. My posts will be few and far between until January 2, when my break is over. Have a happy and joyous holiday season! Happy Birthday Jesus!


love is...

I've decided that being in love is like being drunk: you act stupidly, you are blind to your flaws and the flaws of your "other," you say things you wouldn't normally say, do things you wouldn't normally do, think you are invincible... All until "BANG!" you get your heart broken and the hangover you get from love is much worse than the worst whiskey-drunk hangover. You can't take two ibuprofen and drink a gallon of water to get over heart-sickness. It doesn't last a day and then magically disappear. No doctor can shove an IV in your arm and take away the symptoms. You are pretty much fucked.

The man and I (after 3+ years of togetherness) finally hit the "love" stage and I am not dealing with it very well. I am not a very emotionally expressive person, it wasn't the way I was raised. I think I was better not knowing and just assuming that the emotion was there and that was enough. Until...alas...I got drunk and decided that the man (in the event of one of our deaths) should know how I "feel." I was drunk, invincible, said things I wouldn't normally say, did things I wouldn't normally do...and as a result I am stuck with being in the "love" zone indefinitely.

Luckily, neither the man nor I verbalize our feelings very often (hence the 3+ years before the "L bomb" was dropped) so I don't need to worry about things being said with any kind of frequency. Unfortunately, this also means that I am rarely prepared for the outburst of emotion. The first time the man said "it," he was met with silence because I was caught off guard and didn't know what to say. Eventually, I figured out the desired response and was able to reiterate what he had said. Still, like being drunk, I am not very good at being "in love." I think my love-o-meter is busted.



I couldn't sleep last night. After eventually falling asleep, I found myself wide awake at 3:00 AM. I could hear water dripping out of the eaves onto the balcony floor. It made a ping sound. That mixed with the man talking in his sleep and his occasional snoring, making it impossible to sleep. I needed to wake up at 5:00 anyway, but two hours early is just too much.

I've been at work since 6:00 AM this morning. It is highly likely that I will have to stay late. It is times like this that I wish we had better public transportation in the US. I am without a vehicle today because my windshield washer pump is (hopefully) being fixed/replaced. The man was kind enough to drive me to work today, but since he also needs to be at work at 7:00 AM, I had to come in early. If only they would actually build the light rail, I wouldn't be in such a bind. But, alas, that has been on the docket for a decade and has never been passed.

In other news, it is officially 2 days 9 hours 5 minutes until I am on winter break! Yay! I am hoping you can see the excitement in my usage of exclamation points!! Over my winter break I plan on doing the following things:
  • master Guitar Hero with five stars on each song in the hard level (could be an impossible mission, but I am up to the challenge)
  • be lazy
  • eat a lot of food
  • watch the first season of Showtime's Dead Like Me
  • not think about work...at all
  • do the required family gathering stuff
  • read a book that I want to read (that is unrelated to my thesis)
  • spend some time hanging out with the man
  • catch up with a couple friends


off kilter

I'm a klutz today. So far (and it is only 8:15 AM), I have run into the following things:
  • the edge of the bed (with my toe)
  • the doorknob on the bedroom closet (with my hand)
  • the dog gate (with my hip)
  • the corner wall in the hallway at work (with my shoulder, while carrying tea)
  • the edge of my desk (with my thigh)

Perhaps I should take a hint and not leave my chair or attempt to drive.

In other news, my windshield wiper motor appears to be completely fucked...and not in a good way. I'll have to make an appointment to get it replaced (to the tune of what I estimate as $200+.) Merry fucking Christmas.


snow day

I was out of the office all day yesterday. They closed down work at 2:00 PM due to inclement weather (which is the reason I could not get to either my cardiology appointment or to work). Luckily, I will not have to take a full day of vacation to compensate for my absence since they closed the buildings.

So, instead of working yesterday, I stayed home and...worked on work unrelated to my real job. Yay. I did get an hour of Guitar Hero III in though, so I didn't work all day. I must say that the XBox 360 is the most glorious gaming console. The graphics are amazing. It almost doesn't make me upset that it has stolen my boyfriend's affections. However, the man has somewhat made up for it and has been an amazingly wonderful boyfriend this week. (Also, the XBox 360 is only visiting for the week and will be going back home sometime this weekend - until we inevitably buy one that will stay at the house forever and always.)

Since our jerk of a snowplow guy hasn't shown up at the house yet, my very sweet boyfriend shoveled the majority of our very long driveway so that I could get to work this morning. He spent an hour shoveling at 9:00 last night since we had waited, hoping that the plowman would show up. It is nice when your significant other can put aside the stupidity and disregard that accompanies the male gender and does something very kind and thoughtful. I must admit that I don't always give him the credit he deserves, but he gets laid a lot, so that makes up for my inability to communicate my gratitude through words.

In other news, I came in to work at 6:30 AM and will be working a couple hours late to try to get caught up on things. This is going to be a long-ass day.


things i did over the weekend

  1. slept
  2. ate
  3. cleaned the house while dodging attacks made by the cat
  4. slept some more
  5. talked on the phone
  6. went to the store
  7. wrapped Christmas gifts
  8. ate
  9. slept
  10. watched the Packer game
  11. wrote a few Christmas cards
  12. ate
  13. put up our tiny Christmas tree
  14. slept
  15. watched the last episode of Dexter: Season 1
  16. made dinner
  17. ate
  18. channel surfed
  19. slept
  20. woke up to find I'd slept through the majority of the weekend

The good news is that my cold seems to be nearly gone. Also, the more I sleep, the closer to winter break it gets.


i live in a bacon world

I am still sick with a cold, but it is getting better. We've made it through the last snowstorm and now are only expecting another 2-4 inches of snow over the weekend. It is sunny and gorgeous (but cold) outside right now. I am in much better spirits, despite a headache that won't seem to subside.

Part of the reason I'm in a better mood is that I am now 99% done with my holiday shopping. I received the last of my brother's Christmas gifts in the mail yesterday. I bought him bacon salt to go along with his other, more "traditional" gifts. I also bought bacon salt for the man and as I am awful at not letting him open gifts until the actual holiday/birthday, he opened it last night. I must admit, this stuff is surprisingly good. Everything is better with bacon.


birthday boy

My nephew Brady turns one year old today. Happy birthday! Unfortunately for him, it has been ruled by his mother that he cannot open the gifts I sent to him until his party on Sunday. As they live many, many miles away, I will not be there for the party and will have to settle for watching the dvd later. I purposely wrapped the gifts in tissue paper so that he would be better able to open them. I didn't include a card, because, come on, who cares about the card? Also, I gave him toys and a book as it seems to be impossible to know which life track he'll set out on so early. He has red hair, so let's hope he doesn't go the nerdy route.

Happy Birthday little man!

not as pissy as i seem

I realize I have sounded a bit frustrated and unhappy. I'm frustrated, but not unhappy. Things at work are looking up as we are finally full-staffed for the first time in nearly a year. This will eventually lighten my workload (though there is always a learning curve and things may cause more work for me for the next month or so). That said, I'm happy with the way things at work are going. I'm not too worried about my doctor appointments, it is just a matter of figuring out what is wrong and finding a plan of action. I'm not anticipating anything major. If you haven't noticed, I tend to use this as a forum from which to vent. I guess you are all reading at your own risk.

I'm also looking forward to having 11 days of non-work in a row. We have a winter break from work from Dec. 22 - Jan. 2. It will be a much needed break for everyone in the office and hopefully we'll be able to get some more things put in motion this upcoming year.

My seemingly endless cold is giving me quite the pissy attitude until about mid-day, when my symptoms subside a bit. That would likely account for my morning cynicism. I'm medicating myself with vitamin C (even though it may not have proven cold healing powers). But hey, it has to be better than the alternative: bourbon.

cold enough for ya?

It is only 7:30 AM and I have already heard 5 people say "Is it cold enough for ya?" What do they think? Why do they ask? It isn't making small talk or conversation. I have a cold, my windshield washer fluid seems to be frozen, snot pours out of my head when going inside from outside. It's fucking 7 degrees below zero. No, I guess it would only be cold enough for me if my arms and legs were reduced to gangrenous nubs because of frostbite. Is that cold enough for you?


not even officially winter yet

We just received 6 inches of snow (not including the 5 inches from the weekend still on the ground). Getting to work was a real bitch today, as neither my road nor my driveway had been plowed. I ended up getting stuck where our road meets the highway, but luckily I had my shovel and the aid of two good samaritans to get me out. I made it to work okay after that.

We are expecting another 4 inches of snow tomorrow and then another major storm this weekend. Sometimes I really hate living in WI. The snow can be beautiful at times, but it sure can be a pain in the ass.

Thank God for the snow removal crews. It looks like it may be a long winter in the Midwest.



I am at work well before my standard "at work" time. I couldn't sleep so came in to work. This may or may not have been a good idea. It is possible that I could leave early = good. However, it is possible that I will actually end up working late = bad. There is another snowstorm coming this afternoon, so an early departure time would be better.

I haven't been sleeping much this past week. The combination of dread surrounding my thesis and worry regarding my impending medical appointments are keeping me awake. I've been productive in many other ways, such as having nearly all my Christmas shopping done. I go to get my event monitor for my heart next Tuesday. I will wear it for one month and it will record any abnormalities or episodes and send them directly to the doctor. After that month is over, I will meet with the cardiologist and hopefully figure out what exactly is wrong with me. I hope I will be able to sleep after that.

I have a case of the blahs.