groceries?

I'm writing my grocery list and so far the only two items are:

• birthday card for Dad
• condoms

Obviously, the birthday card is for my dad and the condoms are for the sex I have out of wedlock with my live-in boyfriend (I'm sure my father doesn't approve of either the sex or the living in sin). Hmm...and I guess I also need some Cheerios, which apply to neither of the aforementioned items. Oh, the juxtaposition!