i love it when you call me big poppa

This week has been interesting in terms of children and the man. We attended a familial baptism party on Sunday for the man's cousin's spawn (yes, that was hard to follow). There was an abundance of children running around: not our idea of a fun time. The cousin's 3-year old kid, when asked if he knew the man's name, quickly called him"Daddy!" I was out of the room, but I guess it was quite humorous. At least for everyone other than the man. Then the kid realized it wasn't his dad and called the man by his name. Still, weird situation.

It is also evident that the man's father wants to be a grandfather. As the man's half-brother will not be impregnating anyone until they develop an XBox with a sex hole, the burden lies solely on us. Me and the man. Procreation. Needless to say, this is not going to be happening. I like my sex to be recreational. Anyway...the man's father keeps asking us when we are going to fill the house with kids and get rid of the roommate. Again, not going to happen. The roommate behaves like a child and that is about all we can bear. This event once again epitomizes the reasons why I don't enjoy the man's family gatherings.

As for awkward situations with family members, here's another: On my last visit to my parents, I was cornered by my dad and questioned in regard to "my future." Questions flew in regard to when the man would ask me to marry him, why he hasn't asked me yet, and how my dad can't die until I'm "settled." Keep in mind that my father is 54 years old and is in near-perfect health. I told him that if he plans on dying after I get married, I won't get married for another 35 years. Also, I reminded him that he raised me to be independent and not to need a man to support me...I guess that all backfired now that he wants more grandkids and a married daughter.

Did I mention that we are going to visit my parents and attend a family reunion for the 4th of July? Well, we are...with the side of the family who believes in marriage before sex. And despite me not knowing half of them, these distant relatives all seem to feel comfortable asking me when I'll get hitched. I think I'm going to laminate a sign and stick it to my back reading as follows:
  1. My name is Trish.
  2. The uncomfortable-looking guy standing next to me is my boyfriend.
  3. Yes, he's quite a bit older than I am.
  4. We live in sin.
  5. We like it.
  6. We don't know if we'll get married.
  7. We don't want kids. Even though I know we have the potential to make beautiful children.
  8. Note: If you talk about your kids, I'll talk about my cat and dog as if they are as important as your children.
  9. I graduated from college a couple years ago. I'm not done with my master's thesis yet.
  10. I have a job. I only like it sometimes.
  11. My boyfriend has a job, which he likes most of the time.
  12. Did you notice that my brother is here and he has two kids whom I'm sure he would love to talk about? Yes, you should go look for him.
I'm thinking the items above will cover all the normal questions that nosy family members like to ask. And, as an added bonus, I'm directing people to harass my brother, who has had the fortune of living out of the state and missing the last five family reunions. He must be punished.

It'll be nice to be home for a couple days and to see my brother and his family. I hope the man and I live through it.

1 comment:

Ms. Jane said...

I love this post. I think I am going to have a shirt made that says: If you talk about your kids, I'll talk about my dog. Don't challenge me on this: you know I am not afraid to make T-shirts!!