may 24, 2006: kitty commands

Names that the cat answers to:

• Jack (rarely)

The cat's various names (which may explain why he has trouble learning his name - also see earlier post highlighting eccentric need to nickname animals):

• The Cat Named Jack
• Attack Jack
• Monster
• Crazy
• Scratches McGee
• Scratchy McScratchesalot
• Little Jack
• Baby Jack
• Kitty
• Turd
• Stinkitty
• Black Jack
• Jack be Nimble
• Jack be Quick
• Jack Bauer (okay, we watch too much 24)

Commands/words/phrases the cat understands:

...Oh, yeah, he doesn't know any

Commands/words/phrases the cat doesn't understand, but should:

• Stop eating my foot/hand/arm/leg.
• Stop eating the dog's body parts.
• The dog is not a scratching post.
• I don't have nipples on my neck, so stop looking for them.
• Stop attacking every moving and inanimate object.
• Stop licking my face while I sleep.
• Don't poo so stinkily.
• Stop scratching my foot/hand/arm/leg.
• Stop growing so fast.
• Hold still...hold still...please, please, please hold still.
• Make the dog stop breathing on me.
• Be a lover, not a fighter.