may 24, 2006: kitty commands

Names that the cat answers to:
  • Jack (rarely)

The cat's various names (which may explain why he has trouble learning his name - also see earlier post highlighting eccentric need to nickname animals):

  • The Cat Named Jack
  • Attack Jack
  • Monster
  • Crazy
  • Scratches McGee
  • Scratchy McScratchesalot
  • Little Jack
  • Baby Jack
  • Kitty
  • Turd
  • Stinkitty
  • Black Jack
  • Jack be Nimble
  • Jack be Quick
  • Jack Bauer (okay, we watch too much 24)

Commands/words/phrases the cat understands:

...Oh, yeah, he doesn't know any

Commands/words/phrases the cat doesn't understand, but should:

  • Stop eating my foot/hand/arm/leg.
  • Stop eating the dog's body parts.
  • The dog is not a scratching post.
  • I don't have nipples on my neck, so stop looking for them.
  • Stop attacking every moving and inanimate object.
  • Stop licking my face while I sleep.
  • Don't poo so stinkily.
  • Stop scratching my foot/hand/arm/leg.
  • Stop growing so fast.
  • Hold still...hold still...please, please, please hold still.
  • Make the dog stop breathing on me.
  • Be a lover, not a fighter.

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